Persistence
In the middle of suburbia, in a strip mall no less, we discovered a surprise from nature, the crimson seeds of the mountain laurel hiding within tan seed pods. Fall always amazes me with the sheer number of seeds that plants produce, seeming to know what kind of persistence it takes for even one to find the right conditions to thrive.
Much like our work as parents, our many attempts to guide our children often don’t bear fruit until much later. But just because we can’t see the results right away doesn’t mean we can stop trying. Often we meet the most resistance right at the point closest to a break-through. And children whose behavior perplexes us for days on end will come around eventually. Today I planted the seeds of independence with one preschool age child by letting him help vacuum the car, although it took three times as long as it would have taken me to do it on my own…and even though wasn’t totally clean when we finished, either. He needed the movement, the purpose and the experimentation. Since he showed he was ready, I began the slow process to his independence with the reminder that I handle plugging in the vacuum and he could do the rest.
When times get rough, and boring, with the repetition required to be persistent, I also remember one of my nine-year-old students who yelled, “Why do you always keep calling me over here to give me extra help; I’m failing, don’t you see?” I told him, “Yes, right now you are…and I call you over here because you are so, so close to succeeding that I will never give up on you; I know you can do it.” Years later, he found me at a First Communion service for another child. He slid into the pew beside me and whispered, “You were right; I passed.” What a gift to hear that persistence from both bore fruit!
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What’s the Deal?: Both of these examples–the vacuuming session for a little guy and the extra help for a third-grader–show the persistence it takes for adults to create a safe place for boys to take risks. The first risk involved a “big person” task and the second risk took courage to express strong, honest emotions instead of playing it cool.
Resources: Check out Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys by Dan Kindlon, Ph.D. and Michael Thompson, Ph.D.
Text copyright © 2012 by Kristi Beall-Zumpano. All rights reserved.
Photo copyright © 2012 by Kristi Beall-Zumpano. All rights reserved.
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