We took note of the peace rest brings this weekend with several relationships we have with other families who have children. As a parent, it feels so great to check in with each other and ask,”Are we still good to get together or do we need to reschedule?”
I love the option of the give and take with both families. We had one play date planned that the other family asked to reschedule because their girls were wiped out; another spontaneous play date came into the mix in its place, but we made it a short one. After Saturday morning, Michael and I checked in with ourselves and our kids. We cut out planned Saturday afternoon activities that would have tipped the balance for all of us, even though they were fun.
What’s the Deal?: We’re gearing up for the winter holidays soon and our bodies are adjusting to fall weather; most of us could use a little more rest, even though school activities abound.
Resources: Child’s Pose, a simple yoga posture that’s also called Baby Pose, is great for times when you can’t get a nap in or if you need the boost given by releasing tension. You kneel, curl your body forward with your head down on the floor and just relax. Arms can be at your sides with palms facing up or stretched straight forward with palms on the floor. You’ll notice that your breathing slows and you feel calm.
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In the middle of suburbia, in a strip mall no less, we discovered a surprise from nature, the crimson seeds of the mountain laurel hiding within tan seed pods. Fall always amazes me with the sheer number of seeds that plants produce, seeming to know what kind of persistence it takes for even one to find the right conditions to thrive.
Much like our work as parents, our many attempts to guide our children often don’t bear fruit until much later. But just because we can’t see the results right away doesn’t mean we can stop trying. Often we meet the most resistance right at the point closest to a break-through. And children whose behavior perplexes us for days on end will come around eventually. Today I planted the seeds of independence with one preschool age child by letting him help vacuum the car, although it took three times as long as it would have taken me to do it on my own…and even though wasn’t totally clean when we finished, either. He needed the movement, the purpose and the experimentation. Since he showed he was ready, I began the slow process to his independence with the reminder that I handle plugging in the vacuum and he could do the rest.
When times get rough, and boring, with the repetition required to be persistent, I also remember one of my nine-year-old students who yelled, “Why do you always keep calling me over here to give me extra help; I’m failing, don’t you see?” I told him, “Yes, right now you are…and I call you over here because you are so, so close to succeeding that I will never give up on you; I know you can do it.” Years later, he found me at a First Communion service for another child. He slid into the pew beside me and whispered, “You were right; I passed.” What a gift to hear that persistence from both bore fruit!
~
What’s the Deal?: Both of these examples–the vacuuming session for a little guy and the extra help for a third-grader–show the persistence it takes for adults to create a safe place for boys to take risks. The first risk involved a “big person” task and the second risk took courage to express strong, honest emotions instead of playing it cool.
Resources: Check out Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys by Dan Kindlon, Ph.D. and Michael Thompson, Ph.D.
Text copyright © 2012 by Kristi Beall-Zumpano. All rights reserved.
Photo copyright © 2012 by Kristi Beall-Zumpano. All rights reserved.
Resources recommended are ones we’ve truly used; we don’t sell advertising space.
Sundry diseases can affect the nerves that can slow the flow of blood, making your body’s preparation for sex knotty. With the market flooded with divers companies selling numerous medicaments, purchasing remedies from th WEB is no longer a dream for common man. In some instances pharmacies offer to patients Viagra. A lot of humanity around the World think about “buy sildenafil“. What do you know about “sildenafil online“? Numerous pharmacies describe it as “is there a generic viagra“. Some common medicines can mean screwing with your orgasm. Mercifully, most cases of erectile dysfunction are treatable, so it is significant to share your concerns with your partner and pharmacist. Now, there are varied options for people who suffer from this disease. Note, if you have any questions about this generic ask your physician.
Last night at bedtime, when our son refused to hug or say goodnight, Michael offered him the option of a “footfive.”
“Sure!” he said. Like a high five, but done foot-to-foot, a “footfive” is one of the options we’ve developed over the years to give our kids ways to connect with us that are different from words, hugs and kisses. Some nights the traditional goodnights with hugs flow freely, and other times, because of developmental levels, sensitivities and power struggles, we all need different choices to keep the peace and kindness happening in our home.
We began looking for options about eight years ago when my stepdaughter found it challenging to say goodbye to me for a number of reasons–her age, loyalty to her mother, high sensitivity to touch, to name a few. She and I came up with a “pinkie wave. ” A small, quick gesture, the “pinkie wave” gave her the distance and lightness she needed, plus we all received a sense of closure.
As the years went on, we’ve added to the choices, especially knowing what we do now about the needs of many boys. In many cases, side-to-side contact and strong touch feel better to boys than direct eye contact and soft touch.
~
What’s the Deal?: Kids refuse to use manners for millions of reasons, but there are a couple of ways we can help bring peace in our families. First, we can show the child examples of different kinds of affection with a combination of words, touch and gestures–footfives, pinkie waves, blowing kisses, thumbs-up as well as hugs and kisses. That way, a child develops a repertoire of ways to interact, even on challenging days. Second, we can check to see if our expectations are reasonable. For example, in general, most five-year-olds go through a phase when they are much more comfortable speaking to children than adults. So a child might say thank you and goodbye to child, and refuse to speak to the child’s parents. We can keep that information in mind and back off a bit, knowing that the child will soon pass into a new phase where graces will come easier.
~
Resources: For more information on reasonable expectations for social graces given developmental levels for children, check out books by Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D. For information on boys, try Michael Gurian’s books.
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When people ask us what Minds in Motion does, one of the common threads running through our work is to provide mentoring, either through what we do or by what we link up for children. When kids experience real-life examples, our lessons stick.
This weekend, I’m taking our Green Girls group, ages 6 – 10 years old, to see artists’ work displayed in the Travis Heights Art Trail in an historic house renovated to museum-quality standards. With green features, such as insulation made from blue jeans, our girls can’t help but be inspired. By conversing with artists, the process of creating and displaying art must naturally be demystified.
What the girls take away from the experience is theirs; they have the choice to make their own meaning of what they see. They will hold in their hands the choices of how to use their new information.
~
What’s the Deal?: As parents and teachers, we often feel we must be the ones to impart knowledge. And we are our kids’ main teachers, but we don’t have to deliver each lesson step by step. An effective shortcut is what my mother gave me–the awareness to notice. When we were out and about, she’d frequently say, “Look, look, would you take a look at that!” A mosaic, a chrysalis, the way Pampas grass moved in the wind, all of this noticing shaped the opportunities I can spot now as an adult. I see mentors all around me, ideas and excellence everywhere. Mentors in objects of excellence, inspiring people and situations deftly managed. Michael teases me that I’m always saying, “Hey, look at what that business did–smart!” Yep. I’m OK with that.
~
Resources: Check out kid-friendly activities for these events and support our local artists at www.travisheightsart.com this weekend, November 3 & 4 and www.eastaustinstudiotour.com, November 8 – 18. For a great deal, bid on a new Green Girls session at Patton Elementary School’s carnival silent auction this Saturday, November 3.
~
Picture copyright 2012 Kristi Beall-Zumpano. All rights reserved.
Text copyright 2012 Kristi Beall-Zumpano. All rights reserved.
Resources recommended are ones we’ve truly used; we don’t sell advertising.
Sundry diseases can affect the nerves that can slow the flow of blood, making your body’s preparation for sex knotty. With the market flooded with divers companies selling numerous medicaments, purchasing remedies from th WEB is no longer a dream for common man. In some instances pharmacies offer to patients Viagra. A lot of humanity around the World think about “buy sildenafil“. What do you know about “sildenafil online“? Numerous pharmacies describe it as “is there a generic viagra“. Some common medicines can mean screwing with your orgasm. Mercifully, most cases of erectile disfunction are treatable, so it is significant to share your concerns with your associate and dispenser. Now, there are varied options for people who suffer from this disease. Note, if you have any questions about this generic ask your physician.
Conversation overhead at a school:
- Dad: How was your day?
- Son: Great! I farted in the middle of class!
Many children, especially many boys, enjoy literature about farts, if you’re willing to consider fart and literature in the same sentence. No two ways about it–the surprise, the disgust, the visceral experience captures their attention nearly every time.
“Oh, I feel like taking this book home to read!” said one of our students who’d moaned about reading anything a good part of last year.
“Ah-ha-ha!” (Evil teacher laugh by me.) Victory is mine! Another student falls victim to self-motivation to read a 458-page book, find Norway on a map, discuss the differences between a monarchy and democracy and use the word “unison” in his own writing…all because of the fart factor!
~
What’s the Deal: While we don’t want our children spouting out fart noises and potty talk at the dinner table, it’s helpful to find outlets where they can. Books are one way. Another way is that we let our three-year-old go to town with the potty talk in the restroom…It makes sense to him–potty talk in the potty area–and gives us a spatial boundary, so we’re not bombarded at the dinner table. We temper that boundary with understanding that occasionally, when he really can’t withstand the urge, he might say,“Watermelon Fart” into the crooks of our arms to muffle the sound. And we all laugh!
~
Resources: Dr. Proctor’s Fart Powder: Who Cut the Cheese?, by Jo Nesbo, just released in English this year, 2012. You should know that the book is double-spaced…and you should also know that many children love the idea of reading a “big book.” With few pictures, it’s a great transition book between easy chapter books to harder ones. Let us know if we can help with homework strategies or direct One-on-One work with your child to develop confidence and stamina with language arts.
Text copyright © 2012 by Kristi Beall-Zumpano
Art copyright © 2012 by J.T., age 9
Resources recommended are ones we’ve truly used; we don’t sell advertising space.
Sundry diseases can affect the nerves that can slow the flow of blood, making your body’s preparation for sex knotty. With the market flooded with divers companies selling numerous medicaments, purchasing remedies from th WEB is no longer a dream for common man. In some instances pharmacies offer to patients Viagra. A lot of folk around the World think about “buy sildenafil“. What do you know about “sildenafil online“? Numerous pharmacies describe it as “is there a generic viagra“. Some common medicines can mean screwing with your orgasm. Mercifully, most cases of erectile dysfunction are treatable, so it is significant to share your concerns with your partner and pharmacist. Now, there are varied options for people who suffer from this disease. Note, if you have any questions about this generic ask your physician.
Last Saturday, we counted the elders in our lives among our blessings. Both blood relatives and guides we’ve found, our elders sustain us in millions of practical and emotional ways–help with caring for our children, as well as giving us the scent and beauty of a rose from their gardens.
Last weekend, Michael’s mom came to take care of our son. I facilitated our Green Girls Arts and Invention Course for elementary school girls. Michael, who usually watches our son on Saturdays, spent time with another wise woman who helps mentor our business and personal lives. (Business and personal because we work and live together. Whose idea was that!?!)
What a relief! Time to fully hear wisdom for Michael. Great fun and work time for me. With the help of our elders, we both could reflect and hear ourselves think without interruptions. Amidst the grind of daily responsibilities, what elders give us can’t be quantified.
Is our situation with elders without challenge? Nope. We all have our quirks, especially us, so we work around the quirks the best we can.
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What’s the Deal?: Although some cultures in this country have retained the power of the extended family, others gave it up for the “American Individualist” idea. In some cases, we suffer from the distance of geography and divided families. The chance to help each other is minimized. In other cases, we may appreciate the distance. Whatever the case may be for you, some kind of wisdom and assistance from elders, whether blood relatives or the family you’ve found along the way, can save the day.
~
Resources: How do you find elders if your relatives don’t live in town? We found ours by our interests and volunteer activities; and the relationships deepened over time:
- I used to write daily at a coffee shop each morning before my public school job. Another writer, also there daily, noticed my dedication and we began to talk. Over the years, he became a friend, supporting us in countless ways—at our wedding and on the phone when we felt desolate with injuries.
- Michael met another elder who we count on at a workshop when he taught at a school.
- Two other elders who figure importantly in our family’s lives came to us through friends of friends.
Bottom line: If you do have elders in your life, renew the connection by seeing what they might like from you to set up a great give-and-take relationship for everyone. Make peace with what you cannot give each other, and focus on what you can do.
If you don’t have an elder active in your life, take steps to allow a new relationship. You can set an intention about what kind of elder you’d like to bring into your life, clear some time in your schedule to follow one of your interests, and be alert to opportunities that surface for you.
Text copyright © 2012 by Kristi Beall-Zumpano
Photo copyright © 2012 by Kristi Beall-Zumpano
Resources recommended are ones we’ve truly used; we don’t sell advertising space.
Sundry diseases can affect the nerves that can slow the flow of blood, making your body’s preparation for sex knotty. With the market flooded with divers companies selling numerous medicaments, purchasing remedies from th WEB is no longer a dream for common man. In some instances pharmacies offer to patients Viagra. A lot of folk around the World think about “buy sildenafil“. What do you know about “sildenafil online“? Numerous pharmacies describe it as “is there a generic viagra“. Some common medicines can mean screwing with your orgasm. Mercifully, most cases of erectile dysfunction are treatable, so it is significant to share your concerns with your associate and dispenser. Now, there are varied options for men who suffer from this disease. Note, if you have any questions about this generic ask your physician.
In attempting this 40 consecutive days of blogging, I’ve stumbled once before and missed one day. Then for the past few days, you could say I’ve been in face plant mode, missing many days! I deeply apologize and take responsibility.
For a second I thought, How humiliating! Maybe I should just give up. Then I wondered how many other parents set goals, whether with their kids or for themselves and find themselves in a face plant, too? A gazillion, probably. Yet we don’t reap the benefits of achieving a goal without putting in the clock time. We don’t get results without risks and fumbles.
So, putting aside my pride, again, I humbly seek to lead as an example of the challenges we all face in adding a new component to our routines. We all fight resistence of some kind, whether we seek to add a new element to our lives or our children’s lives.
One mother I know, when her daughter reacts explosively to a new situation despite preparation efforts, calmly tells her, “Oops, let’s reset,” or “Please press your reset button.”
I’m finding that strategy helpful for my own self this time in overcoming resistence.
What’s the Deal?: Why does saying”reset” work for some of us? Neutral language that we know from technology, plus a calm tone of voice can take the judgment out of a tense situation and remind everyone that false steps are part of the process of implementing something new. Compare “reset” to “Why are you doing that?” or even “Would you please calm down!”
Resources: Consider a mini trampoline for you and your family members to work off steam quickly for an “active reset.” Many boys and those of us who love action prefer this kind of reset. Yet at other times, we may need a “calm reset” area with special items you and your child pick out–maybe cushions, flowers, special stones, meaningful and inspiring images. Anyone in your family can visit the reset areas when they need to. When’s the last time you jumped on a mini trampoline? I dare you!
Photo copyright Michael Zumpano 2012. All rights reserved.
Text copyright Kristi Beall-Zumpano. All rights reserved.
Sundry diseases can affect the nerves that can slow the flow of blood, making your body’s preparation for sex knotty. With the market flooded with divers companies selling numerous medicaments, purchasing remedies from th WEB is no longer a dream for common man. In some instances pharmacies offer to patients Viagra. A lot of folk around the World think about “buy sildenafil“. What do you know about “sildenafil online“? Numerous pharmacies describe it as “is there a generic viagra“. Some common medicines can mean screwing with your orgasm. Mercifully, most cases of erectile disfunction are treatable, so it is significant to share your concerns with your partner and dispenser. Now, there are varied options for folk who suffer from this disease. Note, if you have any questions about this generic ask your physician.
Yesterday, as we read about the sensation felt by children in Thailand sinking their feet into rice paddies, gentle rain tickled our own feet. Under an awning, we sat on the “back porch” of our new center for The Living Bridge Academy, our day program.
With all of our senses engaged as we read, no wonder we doubled our initial page number goal! The natural light, the sound, smell and tickle of the rain, and the taste of Thai food in our imaginations contributed to our experience with an interesting and challenging text.
What’s the Deal?: Many of us see better in natural light, as long as it’s not too cloudy of a day. In fact, some research studies show that boys need more natural light to see well. Some of us also feel more comfortable with nature close, whether it’s a window or a patio. See if this strikes a chord with you, now that relief from the heat slowly comes to us.
Resources: Check the location where your child usually does homework. Is there some natural light available? We recommend this book, especially for 4th & 5th grade boy readers who like nature and photography: The Life of Rice: from Seedling to Supper, by photographer Richard Sobol.
Photo copyright Kristi Beall-Zumpano 2012
Text copyright Kristi Beall-Zumpano 2012
Sundry diseases can affect the nerves that can slow the flow of blood, making your body’s preparation for sex knotty. With the market flooded with divers companies selling numerous medicaments, purchasing remedies from th WEB is no longer a dream for common man. In some instances pharmacies offer to patients Viagra. A lot of men around the World think about “buy sildenafil“. What do you know about “sildenafil online“? Numerous pharmacies describe it as “is there a generic viagra“. Some common medicines can mean screwing with your orgasm. Mercifully, most cases of erectile dysfunction are treatable, so it is significant to share your concerns with your member and druggist. Now, there are varied options for folk who suffer from this disease. Note, if you have any questions about this generic ask your physician.
“No music now, Mama,” my son requested after listening to two songs, even though he’d asked for the rowdy animal farm music in the first place. (Don’t get me wrong; we do rock out in morning traffic some days and we love, love, love it!) This time I sensed his request was more than a young child’s experimentation with power and limits. He’d been practicing “sitting in silence” at school, and we place value on quiet time at our house, too. Although super social, he’s sensitive to loud noises and is developing a sense of when he’s heard too much. I turned the music off.
What’s the Deal?: Many children, even though they may be chatterboxes, also may have sensitivities to too much volume or too much sound. It’s great to give them a tool for drinking from the well of silence.
Resources: The picture shows a weeping willow hide-away, just off the path, near the Butler Park fountain in downtown Austin. A green little world, it’s perfect for a silence break in the middle of the city. You can barely see us in there, right? Or check out some of the giant live oaks all over town. You can take a sand timer or set a gentle ringtone on your phone to begin with 30 seconds of silence, then one minute, then two minutes, etc. Teacher Heaven has sand timers.
Try it for yourself before you do it with your children! You may be surprised to find some kid experts! In Austin’s public schools, they’ve begun the day with one minute of silence for 11 years now since September 11.
Photo copyright 2012 Kristi Beall-Zumpano
Text copyright 2012 Kristi Beall-Zumpano
Sundry diseases can affect the nerves that can slow the flow of blood, making your body’s preparation for sex knotty. With the market flooded with divers companies selling numerous medicaments, purchasing remedies from th WEB is no longer a dream for common man. In some instances pharmacies offer to patients Viagra. A lot of people around the World think about “buy sildenafil“. What do you know about “sildenafil online“? Numerous pharmacies describe it as “is there a generic viagra“. Some common medicines can mean screwing with your orgasm. Mercifully, most cases of erectile malfunction are treatable, so it is significant to share your concerns with your associate and dispenser. Now, there are varied options for men who suffer from this disease. Note, if you have any questions about this generic ask your physician.
We take turns holding each other up, don’t we? But we need to ask for the support. Sometimes we’re too proud to ask; other times we’re in such a bind that we don’t really know what exactly we need to get back on the path.
Facing a wilderness of unknowns, Michael and I keep passing the survival kit back and forth between us. At last, we’re trusting ourselves and each other enough to ask for help…or to ask, “What can I do for you?”
Last night and this morning, I found myself in a little swirl of a to-do list…more like I couldn’t figure out what to add to the list, much less what to do first. A murky mess. So I texted about double the friend support I thought I needed. I didn’t even really know what I needed exactly. Just help. Words of encouragement came in from two people. Yay! And one of them will give me a break from mom work to do teacher work or no work for a couple hours on Thursday. Ahhh! With that plan set, the to-do list became more manageable, except I still couldn’t find the clarity I wanted.
So I took my son to the Natural Gardener for an adventure for him, some nature for both of us and a fall garden research trip for me. Drinking in the sun, the shady swings and open spaces, we stayed until we felt clean. Then Michael called and I asked him to bring us PBJ sandwiches since he’d finished his work for the day, something that I might not have asked for before.
And Michael came through right away. When he arrived, our son said, “Follow me; I gotta show you something!” and led him down a path to joy and relief to end a week of challenges.
What’s the Deal?: It feels as if the activities of the world have accelerated, right? And I don’t know about you, but I work earnestly to keep up through all kinds of healthy practices. And some days it doesn’t seem enough. For me, if working harder doesn’t work, it’s time to ask for help and take a break away from electronics and the items that remind me of work.
Resources: Your courage to ask for help and take a break, your simple kindnesses to those you love, The Natural Gardener
Photo copyright 2012 Kristi Beall-Zumpano. All rights reserved.
Text copyright 2012 Kristi Beall-Zumpano. All rights reserved.
Sundry diseases can affect the nerves that can slow the flow of blood, making your body’s preparation for sex knotty. With the market flooded with divers companies selling numerous medicaments, purchasing remedies from th WEB is no longer a dream for common man. In some instances pharmacies offer to patients Viagra. A lot of people around the World think about “buy sildenafil“. What do you know about “sildenafil online“? Numerous pharmacies describe it as “is there a generic viagra“. Some common medicines can mean screwing with your orgasm. Mercifully, most cases of erectile dysfunction are treatable, so it is significant to share your concerns with your partner and pharmacist. Now, there are varied options for humanity who suffer from this disease. Note, if you have any questions about this generic ask your physician.
