Yet

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Short and powerful, the word “yet” gives you an effective tool for helping children work through frustration. Here’s how you can use it, based on suggestions from the book Choice Words.

If your child tells you, “I can’t!” and shows signs of distress or anger, use the phrase, “Not yet.”  Seems almost too good to be true, right? Try it.

Here’s how it could sound with two different kinds of children of different ages and temperaments:

Three-Year-Old Example

  • Child: I can’t zip this jacket! (Beginnings of arms and legs flailing about.)
  • Adult: Not yet.
  • Child: Not yet. Yeah. (Tension diffused, thinking, and trying again.) 
  • Adult:(Waits in silence.)
  • Child: Help, please. (Calmer.)
  • Adult: Soon you will do it by yourself after you practice. See, your thumb holds the bottom…

10-Year-Old Example

  • Child: This math problem doesn’t make sense!
  • Adult: Yeah, it doesn’t make sense yet.
  • Child: (Strained silence.) It doesn’t make sense! (Grimacing and clenching fists.)
  • Adult: (Breathing with calm silence.) Some skills come easy and others take more practice until they make sense.
  • Child: Yeah. (Calmer and looking up to invite help.)
  • Adult: What part doesn’t make sense yet? 

Give it a go. Is it going to work every time? Nope. Nothing does.

~

What’s the Deal?: Why is this simple phrase effective?

  • It’s short and meaningful. Some children get lost in our adult explanations.
  • Implies success or mastery in the future
  • Doesn’t sugar-coat nor dismiss the feelings of frustration
  • Reminds us all that learning is a process
  • Diffuses frustration with children who may feel uncoordinated or “little” or not-too-smart

~

Resource: Choice Words: How Our Language Affects Children’s Learning by Peter H. Johnston.

 

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Category: boys, developmental stages, parenting  |  Tags: , , ,